I HATE MONDAYS:NEW BARBERS

Rated PG: The following material may offend...but who cares right?

Guys you know how it goes sometimes...you step into the barbers, looking to get a fresh trim - an event is coming up and you need to look on point. Okay so your in the barbers now, look around and find out all your usual barbers are busy...yes peoples, today on I HATE MONDAYS, I am going to be talking about...

They come in two forms:

1. A frail skinny man/boy/teenager with cainrows..They might even have that barber coat (you know, that white long one) to assure you that they are fresh.

2. A white/ Arabian teenager (no disrespect to race) with a new era cap glued to his head...Ever so often answering his phone while cutting your hair. Talking to his 'gyal' when in actuality there is no-one on the other end of the line...It's T-Mobile - and no, she is not on a 'linking ting'.

I just can't afford to be butchered by these newbies. I refuse to sacrifice my shape-up to you, yet alone my money. Understand the seriousness of getting a shape-up wrong. You can get laughed at for a very long time; by friends, associates, even by your own mother (if its that bad). I have nothing against these new barbers, I just don't trust them.

The Barber & Me

Written by Andre Anderson

When you know a barber, you know a barber. You trust him with your life. He may cut you a couple of times, and the clippers maybe a bit too sharp, but it's okay....Because he is your Barber & you are his Baberette.

[No Homo]

You need to 'throw them lines' when your shaping up my head. The last time I got a shape up, this new kid was being all sensitive with my head piece - stroking my hairline with the clippers...like say this is some pampering session. You don't stoke ones head piece with clippers, do you know what that can do to your head?

Allow me to explain

New barbers have what we call a 23 degree touchdown. The Technique is explained in this diagram.

The barber slowly moves his clippers in a 23 degree angle to obtain the desired effect.

This seems to be a craze amongst new barbers, seeing that it has been used by all the new barbers I have come across. All I have to say is, if you visit your local barbers and see an unfamiliar face, no matter what you ask for, be sure that they are going to throw in a 23 degree touchdown as a bonus.

I have nothing against you guys, but I would like it if you practice at home before you experimented on my head. Shave your Cat or something...I don't know, practice on your your grandpups whiles he's watching Countdown. Please just practice, because what you are doing to my head-line is violating my Human Rights. It won't be long before every man in London has a shape-up like this:

...Not my head piece

ZoOm