I HATE MONDAYS: WINTER MISHAPS

I officially love college. I study at a place where all the residents in the area are predominantly old (or chronologically challenged). 

So anyway

Picture the scene

It was quite chilly today, actually, it was very chilly. I stepped out of sainsbury's with Magikal, just having purchased 39p pancakes (the poor mans dish). On our way to the train station, I saw a small lady shivering like crazy on her zimmer frame. Her back was hunched and she wasn't moving very fast. As I walked up to her, she paused for a second (I mean, what would you do if you saw two black people smiling as they walked up to you?...It's just not normal).

But all racism aside, there was something not right about this old lady. As I looked in her face I saw a long see-through object coming from her nose. The object was getting longer and longer. She went into her pockets to grab a tissue but her hand wasn't moving fast enough. I walked away, not baring to see what happened next. I hope she caught that bogey on time.

You know it's winter time when old people have strings of bogey hanging from their nose.

I must admit, I thought it was pretty funny.

Not because she was helpless, but because you allowed the bogey to hang that low before you did something about it.

I don't think me and Magikal was making situations better when we both cried out 'ERRRRRRRRR....DATS NASTY!' but it's just our reflexes.

I don't care how old you are.

You don't allow your bogey to hang low like that.

We love you old people though

ZoOm -x- 

I HATE MONDAYS: BRITISH COOKS

Slavery is never the subject to bring up when an awkward silence arises, but it's most definitely a subject that makes you wonder. 

British colonies held Africa under subjection, leaving them with immense amounts of resources - including things such as gold, sugar and herbs and spices to be used as seasoning. 

I guess it's safe to say that those resources were used pretty well. With the gold, England has proved to be one of the richest countries in the world, promising to be the 'land of opportunity'. England had never held back on the sugar coating either -  making it a land full of casualties when it comes to diabetes.

But then I suppose it brings me to that vital question. What happened to the seasoning? 

You know you are in England when your chicken is 'drizzled' with cranberry sauce.

Or when you have chicken smothered in tomato ketchup and called 'barbeque chicken'.

Or maybe when the chicken isn’t even washed at all.

Poor Chicken.

Human beings are blessed with the sense of taste

So why ignore the fact that the meat you just cooked tastes like nothing?

Almost like tangible air.

In saying that, I think the country caught on, because the words 'curry' and 'jerk' are being mentioned more and more on our cookery programmes. The nation is becoming more accepting of other cultural dishes. 

But at the end of the day, just because you have Reggae Reggae sauce, it does not mean you can cook West Indian food.

The Highleigh conference centre knew this. A few years ago, my Church would have a national youth conference deep down in the countryside once a year. From a young age, I grew up eating the chips, roast potatoes, and toast, never complaining. We stopped going to Highleigh conference centre for a while , eventually decided to go back roughly two years ago. As far as I’m concerned, the chefs must have changed, and not known who we were, because when we returned, they panicked.

'What are we going to cook for these black people?'

'Don't panic sweetheart. Stay calm.'

*silence*

*clicks fingers*

'I know! I have the perfect dish. Let us cook them rice and peas. They like that kind of stuff don't they !?'.

But boy where they wrong.

I looked on my plate to see rice and green peas.

...Pshh I wish!

They gave me rice and raisins.

They even had the cheek to put a leaf on the plate.

I'll just take the Bangers and Mash thank you.

ZoOm

I Actually like MONDAY today.

Hope you liked it.
ZoOm

I HATE MONDAYS: SWEET BOYS

An organisation I was once affiliated with, but later on handed in my notice when I realised how stupid we looked. You know what they are like. I remember once jumping on the 18 bus, and  saw a light skin brother with lip gloss on. What you doing with lip loss on bro? He had the swirly side-burns gelled to his face too.

It's extremely disgusting when you come across an overly sweet guy. They are super emotional, they pout their lips, and they have them hazy eyes.It's even worse when you catch their statuses on Facebook. 

Randy 'Sweetus' Sugadaddy:...is thinking about that special somebody...you know who you are...lol luv you bbz xx

WHAT IS THIS! 

I hate them ambiguous screenames, talking about subjects no-one really cares about, apart from you and that 'special some-one' - which by the way, we know who it is, because she says the same ambiguous jargon on her screennames. Talk on the phone, not on my Facebook Homepage.

It gets even more emotional when they quote RnB songs...but let's not get into that.

It's understandable if you're 13 and you're not too sure how to get girls, but when you're all in your twenties saying things like 'I WUV YOU' and saying 'tee hee' instead of of 'haha', it concerns people like me.

You're in university, soon becoming a man. You should be looking for a wife, not a wifey.

Take your lotioned six packs else where.

SNEAK PEEK: JAHNOI CRANSTON

Welcome all. Just wanted to show you a sneak peek of a series of photos I have been working on. Main Subject: JAHNOI CRANSTON. This guy has got some serious talent. I ain't gonna give away too much information about him, but I am going to that say that this is a face to look out for. You will be seeing him on this blog quite a bit.

Photography Taken by: Andre 'zoOm' Anderson

                                      (Facebook me)

I HATE MONDAYS: HALLOWEEN

My Children will never go trick or treating.

October 31st. A day where small kids dress up as ghosts and vampires, walking from door to door, asking for sweets and money. Maybe if you're older, you may do the same thing, but with a child beside you, just to justify yourself. If you're really in the sprit of things, you may carry with you some eggs and flower. Head to one of those Halloween parties, there is bound to be a George Bush look-a-like somewhere.


Growing up as a child, I was never allowed to go out trick or treating. When I asked why, my mother would reply 'you're christian'. This never made any sense to me at the time. Having a bag full of sweets and cash seemed to be a good idea. I couldn't see what the problem was until I got older and done my own research.


The idea of Halloween originated in Ireland (5th Century B.C). October 31st was initially the Celtic new year, a period where (they believed) the barricade between death and life was at its thinnest. In believing this, they where convinced that the dead would walk the earth on October 31st, looking for a living body to possess. To supposedly fool the evil spirits, the Celtics would dress up as ghosts and devils to frighten them away - and that is why we choose to wear costumes at Halloween.


Now I am not writing this to say that we are in danger of being possessed on Halloween day. No. But what are we telling our kids when we allow them to partake in an activity that promotes evil, witchcraft, and chaos. A child would not obviously think into the deepness of the matter, but we are not making situations better when we present to them devil horns and tell them 'put them on for tonight. This is acceptable'. We wonder why the generations grow worse and worse but still we advertise evil in our schools and in our homes. Just for one night. October 31st.


You don't have to agree
Just my thoughts
ZoOm