I HATE MONDAYS: 'CHRISTMAS'

I never sat on Santa's lap before. I never believed in him. I was told that he never gave me presents, not because I was a bad boy, but because I lived in a council flat, and council flats have no chimneys.

It wouldn't make sense to even tell my children about Santa clause, when all he appeared to be, was an ambiguous character, eventually fleshed out by the cruel hands of advertising agencies. We wouldn't think about Santa, yet alone picture him in a red suit if Coca Cola never formulated the idea back in 1931. Yeah that's right, the fat man we know as Santa is actually a retired sales man named Lou Prentice (the original model for the 'coca cola santa clause'). If it were not for Coca Cola, we wouldn't use red and green for color schemes as christmas decorations. Come to think about it, Coca Cola invented 'christmas'.

It may seem a bit farfetched, but Coca cola tells you when the Christmas season begins. If that's the case, Christmas this year started at 9:10pm during the ad break of X-factor, saturday 14th November 2009.  You know what I'm talking about, the huge trucks driving through the village with excited kids looking outside windows with their grandparents...'holidays are coming'...Christmas has not started until Coca Cola tells you so.

But I am not so fussed about the Coca Cola adverts; as a matter of fact, I like them. What gets on my nerves is the total cheesiness that comes on television around this season. That would include annoying christmas carols, or those movies that end with the line 'don't worry...it's Christmas' followed by the cheesiest orchestrated soundtrack you have ever heard (I bet you can hear the Home alone Soundtrack right now). Fake smiles annoy me, and don't even get me started about that advert, like I'm interested in buying Hellmann's mayonnaise for christmas; make another advert.

The origins of Christmas differs but I guess the most annoying thing about this season is when you tell me 'merry Christmas' but have no clue what christmas is about. You talk about Christmas trees and decorations, Christmas number 1 hits, totally ignoring the fact that the word christmas has the word CHRIST in it. But a Christian is not allowed to say that because 'this season is for everyone'. That's why it is no longer politically correct to say 'christmas lights', but now you have to say 'winter lights' to be fair to other religions. Sounds like Christ is being X'd out.

Merry X-mas

If you ask me, X-mas is just another way for corporate business's to make more money; that's why it's not wiped completely off the map yet. But I'm still going to bare in mind what this season is really intended for.

Merry CHRISTmas

'Jesus is the reason for the season'

ZoOm